I'll be seeing you

We distract ourselves

I'm laying here trying to find the energy to finish my math homework. Applied for graduation today, work, school, photoshoot, more homework... My days seem to mimic each other with only minor changes within each. The semester is passing quickly and I am trying my best to keep up with the tasks I have given myself thanks to my inability to relax. I feel lazy when I relax...thinking of everything that needs to be done. I don't have time to read books that do not associate with the classes I have enrolled myself in. No leisure reading. It takes me months to read even a magazine as I fold the corner of an interesting article and return to my self-given obligations and duties. I overloaded myself this semester. I will be the first to say it. Reminding myself to breathe regularly, and checking my to-do list every few minutes...as if another task may appear without my knowing. I check the little boxes by each task all through the day, and cannot sleep until each task has been taken care of. Right now, as I type, I am thinking-"Laundry...out of the dryer, Dishes...need to go in the wash...Jeans, do I have clean ones for tomorrow? No. Dangit. Guitar, I still need to practice tonight. Math, why am I not doing it right now? I have 30 problems left and a test tomorrow. Boyfriend, wish I was with him right now." My mental checklist goes on and on.
I know I will look back at these posts and laugh. I know there will come a day when I remember these days and thank myself for all of my hard work.

A new thought just popped into my head and heart... I never thank myself. A girl in church yesterday mentioned that she was taught by a mentor to thank the moon and the sun...out-loud. To hold a conversation with the moon and the sun. Her conversation with the moon began awkwardly, and ended in tears and words of thanks for lighting the darkest hours. Her conversation with the sun began quietly as she lay on the warm sidewalk at her favorite park. Soaking in the sun, she thanked it for warming her. She lay still and listened to the wind and the birds. Stillness. Love that concept. What about thanking ourselves? What would that conversation sound like? I might try it out sometime and let you know how it goes. ;) I suppose that is a form of meditation. Not so weird. Right now, I want to thank myself for taking a minute to get these thoughts out of my head so that I can get back to my studies. ha...okay, seriously, I want to thank myself for taking guitar lessons as I have always wanted to do. For getting braces, because I always wanted a pretty smile. For letting love in-although I've been hurt deeply. For going back to school after a 7 year break (although those 7 years are filled with incredible experience in the marketing and business industry of which I do not regret). Lastly, for participating in church activities all summer--which led me to making life long friendships.

Enough writing for tonight. I hope you are all doing what you can to absorb each day and that you are continually giving yourselves greater challenges and goals to reach towards.

2 pm lunch break

Today Jenna let me know that I have been horrible about updating my blog (Love you, lol). Here is a quick update- and for those of you who have requested more info--I will be calling you. :)

School is going well. Still trying to balance school and work and what I have of a social life. Still spending a lot of time with my nose in the books--but I am almost done with school which will bring greater happiness to my life than any mocktail party. (...right?)

Boyfriend... yes. I have been dating one of my best friends since June and we are now officially official. Facebook official, in fact. We love each other quite a bit...and I think having spent much of 2009/2010 as JUST FRIENDS (legitimately JUST friends) has actually made us closer than any relationship I've had before.
So? What happened?
The short version: We have been good friends for awhile/he was my home-teacher, talked every night until late, hung out often and talked about our recent/past relationships, life in general, etc. Neither one had really considered ACTUALLY dating...I admit I thought he was pretty cute at times, but I had a boyfriend so it was never an option. May- He was tagged in some pics on Facebook and I looked through them. I realized at that moment that I had never looked at his facebook pictures before. I browsed through some of the good times from the previous semester and found a picture of him that made me smile. I thought, "He is so cute and sweet to me, I love him..."..."wait, shut up, did I just think that?"
June- I told him I thought he was cute...and that I thought I might be interested in maybe kinda sorta maybe trying to sort of...date? He was surprised. Agreed. Transition was easy but interesting...and tada! We are together.

Really, those are the only bits of breaking news in my life right now. I moved into a new home with a roommate that I ADORE. We have a lot of fun together.
I will try to post more often rather than giving monthly updates. :)