Sometimes I say kinda profound things and then document them.

"Life is something to be excited about. Death is not the end. Wisdom, Love, and Faith are the purpose. Faith is strength.
Strength is lifting your chin up and facing adversity with the knowledge that an army of angels stand around you as you choose to do what God would have you do."
-Me.

Basically, I am a photoshop genius.

^I made the fairies and some of the graffiti.



^This one is not photoshopped at all, actually. ;)

Okay...joking. This week I decided I am going to start doing my photography again. I may be mistaken...but I think I have gotten a bit better since last year. I have a few photoshoots coming up (as the photographer this time...)
No worries...I will stay out of the mountains at night from now on. eek.
Happy Summer!!

Breaking The Blogging Fast For Some Breaking News

^My absolute favorite performance by Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. "The Way You Make Me Feel."


It should be noted that today, June 25th 2009, Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest. I have typically had one or two songs in which Jackson sang on my blogger playlist as I am indeed a fan of the king.
I hope that he can be remembered for the good things that he did to our society. Everyone knows his name, his music, his story. Let him be remembered as the man who forever changed American pop culture.

I Just Wanna Go Home.

I need a hug from my mom today. :(

Ready For Something More

Today when I got home from work I made a new decision and goal for myself. I want to be on the internet and phone less. I need more time by myself or with the people I love. I cannot remember checking my email more than once a week before facebook and myspace came around...and now I am online the majority of my days with my work and personal social networking. There are so many things I want to do this summer...and sitting here blogging and playing on facebook isn't one of them.
Here are some old and new summer events that I wanted to share. Have a good summer. :)

A Fathers Day Adventure


Dan made a surprise trip home for the weekend. I was pretty much jumping up and down when he told me he was 12 minutes away from the city. We spent the day with his family and best buddy. My favorite moment...was sitting and rocking on the back porch swing with Dan while making Fathers Day cards. Here are a few pics from the hike...

We went for a hike on Sunday after church and a great Sunday dinner thanks to his mamma.
I love this picture below. I think he was saying, "Dude..."

The 4 of us had a blast climbing around. My poor little white shoes got kinda dirty...but whatever. So worth it. I am just glad I brought a change of clothes after church!!

So pretty with the light hitting the trees at sunset.^

...and remember when my camera randomly didn't have batteries in it...and we had to take pictures with our cell phones? Pretty sweet.

I found yummy but cheap sushi at the market with my way good friend Jon.


Here's To The Good Times...


Getting bangs. They were a lot of fun last year!! My hair has just barely grown out for the most part. Finally.

^Going to California with Tanya, Tino, and Jono in 05. She gets married next week and we are all still great friends. (Since age 17...wow)

Making new girl friends and playing at the park. I love all of my girls!

Staying close with my best friends. (Top-Shelly's wedding. My best friend Dave and I did some cake smashing of our own. ha.) I love his, "whuuuhhh?? faces that he makes!! No one makes me laugh like Dave does!!! "YABFYABFYourAbadFriend" He brings out the spaz in me.
(Bottom-Age 17 in Denver with Shells and Dave. I still consider them my besties. Even though you are both married and dissapear sometimes. I forgive you.)

The birth of my neice and nephew. They are getting sooo big!!





It was fun updating my family around the world (and friends) with my European adventures. (Did I really do that?!) This blog was actually created for that purpose rather than as a journal blog like my previous ones. I hope that you enjoyed the pictures and stories. I will update as new journeys and adventures arise. Enjoy the sunshine!

Another thought for today...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHH....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH............

rrrghhhhhh.


That is all.

Life is good.

10 Positive things about today.

Spring is my favorite season...and it is absolutely beautiful here right now. mmm!
I am one year older and wiser too.
My family and friends are all happy and healthy.
I have a testimony and I shared it yesterday.
I got new makeup from Nordstrom that makes my skin look baby soft and smooth.
My face has this thing called a smile on it...and I can't wipe it off.
Work is going great. Things are looking up.
I am writing music again and singing again. Maybe I will start painting again soon?
I like myself.
I get to go to the park today with Elisse and Laura.

Geburtstagzeit

^We always had the best birthdays a kid could ask for. Thanks Mom and Dad.

I've always had amazing friends who stand by my side. Thank you to my friends.

June Birthdays are the best...

I found my year spray painted on the Berlin Wall. ^

Birthday time!! Ahhh Spending this last semester in Europe was a dream come true. I must admit...I have given myself some pretty sweet gifts this year. Thank you to all of my friends and family who have supported all of my spontaneous adventures and goals. Oh...and the best is yet to come. I will keep you posted. :)

(Enjoy this German song I RANDOMLY just found on playlist.com. haha and yes I can translate it all by myself. My German is getting better every day!!)

My Heavenly Father Loves Me

One of my favorite songs from Primary goes like this:

Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by our lilac tree,
I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave me my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:
I thank him reverently.
For all his creations, of which I'm a part.
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me.


President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church, has said:

"When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. . . how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: "Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to our family today?" As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done" (General Conference talk, October 2007).

I too have recently seen, even in small things, the ways Heavenly Father has played a part in my every day life. He hears me. And he looks out for me. I had an experience this weekend that shook my friends and family to the core.

A STRANGER SAVED MY LIFE ON SATURDAY...
I was alone with my photographer doing a photoshoot up in the canyons on Saturday when three cars of men drove by and hollered at us. We ignored them and continued with the shoot.
About 30 minutes later a car came back down the canyon and parked behind her car. She immediately began to walk backwards towards her car and yelled, "GET IN MY CAR. NOW!"
I stood there...completely shocked...not sure where to go...or what was going on.
I slowly began to walk towards the car when the driver jumped out and said to my photographer, "So what kind of camera do you use..." as he walked in her direction in an intimidating way.
She once again yelled, "NOW! RUN!"
As I started to step towards her car the three other car doors popped open and a bunch of middle aged, rugged looking, gross men jumped out. They stood and stared at me as if they were saying, "what now?"
I kept my composure as to let them know I was not afraid...but I realized my feet hadn't moved and my photographer was already opening her car door to jump in. I slowly walked towards her car without taking my eyes off these men who were slowly stepping towards us.
Right then another car began to head up the canyon and slowed as it passed us. When the men noticed the car coming up...they froze. I took full advantage of this random car passing and BOLTED for her car. I slammed the door and she hit the lock button as and she sped forward...leaving equipment behind.
When we looked back at the men...they were quickly gathering up what we had left behind. Each was holding a different tool of some sort. One holding rope and others holding things in which I choose to forget and don't want to mention here.
I tried to slow my breathing as I stumbled for my cell phone. When I flipped open my phone to call the police...it died. It had been roaming while up in the canyon and the battery was completely used up.
It turned on again long enough to send out a text...and died again. We finally made our way down the canyon and rushed home. The police went back up into the canyon to see if they could retrieve anything but couldn't.
We had been so unprepared. If not for that random car passing up the canyon...I am not sure what I would have done. I feel so blessed that I froze for that moment in shock.
My mind was trying to process the best solution to the problem and it wasn't coming up with anything...until the car passed.
You would like to think that your fight or flight instincts would kick in faster than mine did...but then again...maybe what happened WAS meant to happen.
If I had run for the car when the driver jumped out at my photographer...it may have triggered adrenaline in them and they may have chased me then rather than later. I kept thinking "don't startle them...don't let them know what you are going to do...act like you are going to answer his question about the camera...act like you are walking towards him and not the car."

All of this happened in a matter of seconds, but it seemed like slow motion.
Heavenly Father was there with me...
So many things happened leading up to that moment when the car pulled up that worked to our advantage.
1. Her car was parked far away and I found a pretty location to angle the shots so we moved her car RIGHT behind us. She was practically sitting on her car as she shot. If her car had been down the canyon where it was before...I have NO idea how we would have gotten away.
2. When she parked I told her to lock her doors...she said, "no...I think I will leave them unlocked so I don't have to deal with keys while I shoot." ...Because her doors were unlocked...we were able to leap into her car as these men ran at us. She had also left her keys in the ignition which made for an easy escape. (Typically not recommended.)
3. In a split second I had a feeling to pretend someone else was with us...so right before the life saving car drove up the canyon...I had looked back and acted like I waved at someone further down the canyon. (NO idea why I did that...it just kinda happened.)

The feeling that came over me when these men jumped out of the car at us is indescribable. This experience taught me that there is safety in numbers...but that doesn't mean bad things don't happen.
I have to ask myself...how can I be more prepared? First of all...no more photoshoots up in the mountains or out in fields with just me and my photographer. :)
Secondly...always staying in tune with God and listening to His promptings.

What a scary experience. I may eventually post pictures from that shoot...they are really cool...but they kind of haunt me. Those could have easily been the last pictures taken of me if it had not been for the stranger who saved my life.

Black Sheep

Today in church we talked about sheep. Yup. Sheep.
The lesson was actually an outstanding one.
In my religion we are often teased about being "cultish" or like "flocks of sheep", "followers."
I for one have been called a sheep on several occasions. Most commonly called "the black sheep."
Okay okay...I can be a little overly excited about my testimony and my beliefs. I even get anxious around people like me. But only for a short while, because soon after my anxiety ceases I think, "That person is so happy...I want to be more like that."
While in Berlin one night I decided to go clubbing. It was one of our last nights in that area and I thought it would be fun to go dancing ONE time. I knew what to expect...but I wasn't sure how I would be able to handle the party scene again.
Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself for the first short while. Talking with friends, dancing, goofing off...but then there was a moment when I stopped and looked around me. I realized how many people were intoxicated, high, and on drugs. I noticed a little twinge inside of my heart that said, "it's time to go home...you do not belong here...you know it...and so does everyone around you."
So I left.
I felt badly for leaving friends behind, but knew I needed to be home so I could get rest and enjoy my Saturday in Potsdam with Ashleigh.
As I prayed that night I had a thought come to mind. "You use to feel like the black sheep in church...like you didn't belong there or weren't worthy to be there. Now you feel like the black sheep in a club." My oh my how times have changed for me.
I read my scriptures and pondered for about 30 minutes before falling asleep that night.
This experience actually brought peace to my heart. I know I am headed in the right direction because I feel peace and not anxiety.
Love does not bring anxiety. I have said that in previous posts...but as I am coming to learn in new relationships...love should bring a smile to your face when you wake up in the morning...and love should make you smile as you drift off to sleep. Love is communication and concern. Love is the random smile on your face that you cannot wipe off or hide. Love is understanding someone elses past without needing to question it or them. Love is hearing, smelling, seeing, or feeling something new and wishing they were by your side. Love is learning something new and writing it down so you can remember to share it later. And lastly...love is letting go of your fears and vacillation and letting your heart take the wheel again. As terrifying as it may be.
Today at church I had an extremely full heart. Full of love and concern for those around me. What is happening to me? Once again... I must be heading in the right direction.
I am becoming a WOMAN. Weird. But kinda cool.
This whole growing up thing isn't as scary as I thought it was. My birthday is coming up next week and I had been dreading getting older until this last month. I still feel 18 inside.
A friend in Berlin gave me a wonderful compliment when I told her my age, "What? No way...I swear you are no older than 20! There is no way!" ohhh what sweet words! See what staying OUT of the sun, not smoking or drinking and getting sleep can do for you? Thanks Leda.
I am learning to love and learning to understand. Not sure what exactly I understand...but I feel like I am learning to understand.

While at our school in Berlin a number of people asked us questions about being LDS (Mormon). Many of them had the same questions and misconceptions. It was fun to teach them what we believe and show them by example what our culture is like. We got the cult and polygamy question a few times and it was a little hard not to laugh. No. None of that.
We were the black sheep in Germany. We were the ones who stood out at school, in the clubs, at dinner, and especially in the way we spoke.
As stated in the lesson today;
Calling us "flocks of sheep" could actually be considered a compliment. Jesus Christ is the Shepherd. He protects the sheep, they follow Him, and when one falls astray...He stops to pick it up. I love these pictures of Christ. He is the ultimate example of Peace, Love, and Happiness.
I have been considered a hippie time and time again for my personal beliefs and behaviors.
If walking in the footsteps of my older Brother makes me a hippie then so be it. I am ALL for peace, love, and a world of happiness. I choose to be this way and I choose to keep my body, heart, mind, and soul pure. I know that the church I belong to is true. For more information on my beliefs check out http://www.lds.org. Life really is too short to feel sorrow. No matter your religious beliefs...choose happiness, choose peace, and for heaven sake...choose to love and love again.

Culture Shock

I was warned when I was getting ready for Europe that I may feel a bit of culture shock for the first few days. I prepared myself as well as I thought possible. Stepping off of our flight from NYC to Berlin, I felt confused. "Why would I have culture shock? These people look just like me...only they speak a different language?"
On the train home, again, I thought, "Culture shock? No, this place is beautiful!"
I quickly grew to love my surroundings, the culture, and mostly, the people.
Walking through the cobblestone streets of Germany and listening to the sidewalk music artists play their guitars, pianos, accordions, violins, etc...I felt as though I were in a dream. The weather was perfect, the people walked briskly to their destinations, gourmet food on every street corner, and beauty within every eye shot. I kept stepping back and thinking, "Is this real? Am I really here? On the other side of the world?"
Indeed I was.
There are a lot of things that confused me about Europe. Why do I have to pay 50 cents to use the toilette? Why do you all wait until you are five seconds away from running me over with your bike to ring your little bell at me? Why do you all smoke? Why is beer cheaper than tap water and why can't I have a refill?
They are the way they are.
Little things like that were the constant reminders to me that I was not in the US anymore.
As I sit here writing, my minds eye is flipping through images that I have seen thus far in Germany. I can see the palace gardens, hear nothing but birds singing, waterfalls, and the wind hitting the trees. What a magical experience this is.
Why would anyone warn me about such a place? I have felt more in danger walking around in Provo than here in Germany. The Turks are a bit scary I must admit. They protest about anything and everything and start fights with anyone who crosses their path. You stay away from the Turks! They have a specific look to them, they hang out in groups, walk around with large dogs, and look for trouble.
We had a few run ins with them, but just don't let them know you are American and you are fine. :)
On the buses we look at each other and say, "Auf Deutsch" when we feel someone is looking to start problems with Americans. (It means like, Speak to me in German)
So where is this so called, "Culture Shock"?
Oh...I found it.
The culture shock exists inside of my head and inside of my heart. When I think about returning to the US I feel anxiety. What is there for me? Why can't I have that here? Why do I HAVE to live in the US right now?
I don't.
And I know I don't. So that makes it harder to fathom returning. The culture shock exists when I imagine the JFK airport, the US media, the drama, the gas prices, the government, the hustle and bustle to get from one place to the other, and mostly, my real life.
There are a lot of things that I wanted to escape by leaving the US. I know that some issues will be there regardless of where I am geographically, but there is always that hope that maybe they will be gone by the time I get back.
The US is a wonderful country and I am an extremely proud American. There are just parts of other cultures that I wish we were more like. Slowing down. Walking or riding our bikes everywhere. Transportation systems. More efficient use of energy. (They have sensors on everything...if you aren't ON the escalator...it isn't moving.) I can think of many more.
When I asked people what they thought of America, they each responded with similar key words and phrases, "Busy", "Lights and Media", "Chaos", one girl even said, "They think they are better than us all."
It was really sad to hear opinions from people all over the world about my country.
I thought culture shock was what you felt arriving to an unknown destination and being forced into a culture too quickly.
I would've never expected that returning to my own country would be where the fear was buried.

It's A Small World After All

Even though we are a world apart...I am pretty sure we will be friends forever. :)

haha. She is from Serbia...and speaks 7 languages.

This is where I live! :)

Some of our crew...


lol. I love these boys.

AH!! I love her to death!



Air Force boys!


Friends from Berlin, France, Spain, Palestine, Sweden, and Littleton Colorado. haha.


New friends from Madrid. :)

So close. ^

Hats galore^

haha...I love European hats.



No matter the language, cultural, or religious differences...we managed to make a few life long friends.