Black Sheep

Today in church we talked about sheep. Yup. Sheep.
The lesson was actually an outstanding one.
In my religion we are often teased about being "cultish" or like "flocks of sheep", "followers."
I for one have been called a sheep on several occasions. Most commonly called "the black sheep."
Okay okay...I can be a little overly excited about my testimony and my beliefs. I even get anxious around people like me. But only for a short while, because soon after my anxiety ceases I think, "That person is so happy...I want to be more like that."
While in Berlin one night I decided to go clubbing. It was one of our last nights in that area and I thought it would be fun to go dancing ONE time. I knew what to expect...but I wasn't sure how I would be able to handle the party scene again.
Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself for the first short while. Talking with friends, dancing, goofing off...but then there was a moment when I stopped and looked around me. I realized how many people were intoxicated, high, and on drugs. I noticed a little twinge inside of my heart that said, "it's time to go home...you do not belong here...you know it...and so does everyone around you."
So I left.
I felt badly for leaving friends behind, but knew I needed to be home so I could get rest and enjoy my Saturday in Potsdam with Ashleigh.
As I prayed that night I had a thought come to mind. "You use to feel like the black sheep in church...like you didn't belong there or weren't worthy to be there. Now you feel like the black sheep in a club." My oh my how times have changed for me.
I read my scriptures and pondered for about 30 minutes before falling asleep that night.
This experience actually brought peace to my heart. I know I am headed in the right direction because I feel peace and not anxiety.
Love does not bring anxiety. I have said that in previous posts...but as I am coming to learn in new relationships...love should bring a smile to your face when you wake up in the morning...and love should make you smile as you drift off to sleep. Love is communication and concern. Love is the random smile on your face that you cannot wipe off or hide. Love is understanding someone elses past without needing to question it or them. Love is hearing, smelling, seeing, or feeling something new and wishing they were by your side. Love is learning something new and writing it down so you can remember to share it later. And lastly...love is letting go of your fears and vacillation and letting your heart take the wheel again. As terrifying as it may be.
Today at church I had an extremely full heart. Full of love and concern for those around me. What is happening to me? Once again... I must be heading in the right direction.
I am becoming a WOMAN. Weird. But kinda cool.
This whole growing up thing isn't as scary as I thought it was. My birthday is coming up next week and I had been dreading getting older until this last month. I still feel 18 inside.
A friend in Berlin gave me a wonderful compliment when I told her my age, "What? No way...I swear you are no older than 20! There is no way!" ohhh what sweet words! See what staying OUT of the sun, not smoking or drinking and getting sleep can do for you? Thanks Leda.
I am learning to love and learning to understand. Not sure what exactly I understand...but I feel like I am learning to understand.

While at our school in Berlin a number of people asked us questions about being LDS (Mormon). Many of them had the same questions and misconceptions. It was fun to teach them what we believe and show them by example what our culture is like. We got the cult and polygamy question a few times and it was a little hard not to laugh. No. None of that.
We were the black sheep in Germany. We were the ones who stood out at school, in the clubs, at dinner, and especially in the way we spoke.
As stated in the lesson today;
Calling us "flocks of sheep" could actually be considered a compliment. Jesus Christ is the Shepherd. He protects the sheep, they follow Him, and when one falls astray...He stops to pick it up. I love these pictures of Christ. He is the ultimate example of Peace, Love, and Happiness.
I have been considered a hippie time and time again for my personal beliefs and behaviors.
If walking in the footsteps of my older Brother makes me a hippie then so be it. I am ALL for peace, love, and a world of happiness. I choose to be this way and I choose to keep my body, heart, mind, and soul pure. I know that the church I belong to is true. For more information on my beliefs check out http://www.lds.org. Life really is too short to feel sorrow. No matter your religious beliefs...choose happiness, choose peace, and for heaven sake...choose to love and love again.