Ready To Run

It is always best to say what you need to say. Sometimes we have to make ourselves a bit vulnerable and wear our hearts on our sleeves to accomplish great things in love. ♥ As scary as it may be...
I love to work out. In fact, I love the way my muscles ache after an intense trip to the gym. Normally I get going on the treadmill at a level 7 which is a pretty fast run. I then do a high incline jog for the last 5-10 minutes and lower the incline back down to zero to cool down.
I have been into working-out and running since I was a fetus. My mom teases me that I kick-boxed inside of her tummy and ran everywhere I went the moment my feet hit the floor on my own.
So basically...the moment my little brain gained a knowledge of this whole "walking" thing...I was trying to figure out how to run.
Time and time again people are telling me to slow down, take a breath, take a seat, stop analyzing, stop thinking, start sleeping. It isn't until this last year that I have begun to listen.
The idea of running didn't just appeal to me in the physical manner. I somehow gained the unhealthy ability to escape situations that I wasn't comfortable in by bailing out. If someone was hurting me, not being nice to me, lying to me, or not being true to themselves...I couldn't handle it and I would either take 10 steps back...or run for the hills.
As a teenager this method works for the most part. (Right??)
It works until it becomes a habit, and for me, it did.
This habit has worked to my advantage in recent years. I have been in relationships where years and years go by...and I can't seem to break things off. Some relationships, on the other hand, needed to be walked, if not run, away from and I was able to do it with out shedding a tear. (Okay...maybe a few.)

I know there has to be a point to all of this. Why the kick boxing fetus? Why the faith? Why the ability to separate emotions from trials to overcome the worst of odds?
I have been given some kind of gift that falls under the theme of running. This gift can be useful at times but it can also be extremely...not useful.
What about when I do fall in love? Will I run away from the real thing? From the Prince Charming that God has in store for me?
My mom use to say, "Melinda...go run from that side of the yard to THAT side of the yard as FAST as you can!" During my job as a nanny I found myself saying the words, "K sweetie! Run from this side of the yard to that side! See if you can do it before I count to ten!!"
I realize...
I was one hyped up kid. (uhhh sorry Mom!) I have always had a lot of energy.
This year I decided to take all of that energy and direct it in the most positive ways possible.
One way has been to tell the people I love...that I love them. Also, to let them know why I love them. I know that my family and friends don't have time to read my forever long blog posts...but I would rather have it here for those who do have a moment to read so that they never have a doubt how much I think about them and love them to pieces.
I can't wait to have kids of my own, but first comes love...THEN comes marriage...and THEN comes the baby, right?
The main lesson I learned this year...is to stop running away from people and from situations.
As scary as that situation in Payson canyon was...I am SO proud of myself for not running down the canyon away from those men. I stood there...facing them, building up as much strength inside of me as I could and waited for the perfect moment to bold TOWARDS them and get in the car.
I feel like I am learning to face fear and strike hard. One hard hit.
So...how do I know that I have the strength inside of me to make that cartoon "POW" explosion where all darkness vanishes into thin air?
It is called... knowing God. I KNOW that he was there with me in Payson canyon whispering in my ear, "wait...wait...don't run away" as I faced them with the strength to potentially fight.
I suppose I need to have the same knowledge when I am doubting my relationships. (And current anxiety causing situations.) God is that big cartoon "BANG" that makes all of the bad things go away...or at least not seem so bad and scary.
Loosing loved ones, loss of income, death, and bad memories are some of the worries that keep me up at night.
What if I fall in love with someone...and then loose them?
What if I loose my job right now?
What if I were to have died...?
What if I hadn't...?
These are the moments where I typically run away. I disconnect.

Learning to lean on God and throw the "Bom" "Pow" "Poof" aka "FAITH" at these things is where I find solace and a lessened desire, no matter how tempted the little girl inside of me may be, to run and hide.